When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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