honey bunches of taint.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
