considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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