i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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