Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
