She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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