That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
