just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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