his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i drank out of a bidet.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
