That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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