I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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