Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
