Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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