my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
