: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
