thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
