this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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