And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
