mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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