its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize