I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
