U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
