Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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