his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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