my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
