An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
