so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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