found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
