He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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