and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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