We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
