I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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