a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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