it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
