capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
