we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
