Your dad touched me again.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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