have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
