i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
