Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
