so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
