Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
