I'm jealous of your bromance
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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