I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
