you would pick up someone in the library
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
