he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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