I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
