Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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