I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
