First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
bring money and cleavage
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
