stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
