So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
