Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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