Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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