I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
high people should be assigned attendants
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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