I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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