she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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