I wanna bring you to show and tell
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
