So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We're too hungover to prance.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
