woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
