the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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