Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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