i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
