Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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