the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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