i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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